Kaleidoscope guys

MAILBAG - Two count 'em 2 packages came on the 25th from the greatest sister-in-law a guy could ask for: more food for times when the munchies lurk, another model-car filled with cologne, and two letters! i hope i'm going to be thanking you in person soon, Kathy [read on]! Janet, did you get the postcard i sent?

i hosted Thursday night (7/28) Heartwood’s quarterly talent show!

It ended up being about 3½ hours long and i think i handled it pretty well. Most of my stuff was scripted, and one of my anecdotes seemed so spur-of-the-moment and was delivered so well that i really had everybody laughing pretty hard for about 10 seconds or so. And better still, i was able to follow it up with a secondary funny line.

A student named Laura from Colorado had just finished playing George Harrison’s Here Comes the Sun on the ukulele, and before introducing the next performer, i’d made a segue into songs by the Beatles from Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, mentioning that if i’d found the need to fill a hole in the program that evening, i’d planned on singing Within You Without You - a capella - which was true. (I didn’t need to, and everyone was spared.)

Then i said something like, “Did you ever think you knew the words to a song and only found out years later that they were something else? How many know the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? [Most did.] Then I said, “Remember this part .. [and sang, quite nicely i might add] picture yourself on a train in a station, a girl with kaleidoscope eyes. Well i thought they were signing a girl with colitis goes by.” This got peals of laughter, which i just soaked up while waiting for the laughter to die down. Then i said, “Yeah, i didn’t know what colitis was, but i knew it was something i didn’t want,” which got still more laughter. i pointed to a random female in the first row and shouted, “Look out! She’s got colitis!”

Another thing that went over well was an adaptation from Pee Wee’s Playhouse, the secret word. Every time someone on the show said the secret word, in response all the other characters on the show and the kids at home would shout crazily for a few seconds. So i had everyone in the audience who was performing stand up, and then when they sat down again, i said “OK, everyone who is not performing, find the performer nearest you and put your hands over their eyes so they don’t see the secret word!” And they did, which is when i pulled out my hitchhiker’s sign, which says “G’ville” on one side, “Heartwood” on the other. And they were all pretty good sports about it, yelling merrily for the rest of the evening whenever someone said Heartwood.

I also shared one of my favorite Pee Wee moments, when it was the birthday of Cowboy Curtis (played by Lawrence Fishburne), and Pee Wee wished from Jambi a pair of cowboy boots in a skit that ended with Pee Wee saying, “Well, you know what they say: Big feet … … big boots!”

I’d told everyone in my introductory monologue that i was going to tell a couple of Saudi jokes, and later in the evening i trotted out my two Zahrani jokes. Abdulkarim would’ve been so proud, especially if i hadn't messed up one of 'em, forgetting to mention a crucial part until after the punchline! The way that joke is supposed to go is like this: [First you explain that the tribal name Zahrani is used in the kingdom to represent mentally-challenged people as a whole.]

The new neighbors in town have built a high wall around their backyard to hide the satellite dish they don’t want anyone else to know they've bought. The neighborhood is dying with curiosity, talk is beginning to spread about what might be going on when one day Zahrani comes walking along. “Yaa Zahrani! We are dying to know what is happening on the other side of our new neighbor’s wall! Climb over and have a peek, will you?” And being a simple soul, Zahrani obliges. He tucks his thobe into his seerwahl [long underwear], climbs up, and disappears over the top, only to come clambering back over a few seconds later, dropping with a thud to his feet, and with a look of fear on his face, hightails it on the road out of the village.

“Ho Zahrani, wait! Tell us what you saw!” And with only the briefest of pauses, Zahrani stops and shouts back, “I didn’t see the dog itself, but the size of its food-bowl was enough for me! See ya!”

If I host the next talent show, i’ll try telling it once more.

i had my first lesson Friday morning with a gal named Liz who is teaching me how to dive! (I put up a sign on the board some time ago which she’d noticed, and last night she asked if anyone else had stepped forward.) I’ve dived a small number of times but never very well, and often have hit my face hard because my body was in the wrong position. Diving is another one of my fears that i’d like to overcome and am doing something about. Liz is a certified swim instructor and has taught lots of adults to swim and to dive. She showed me some basic steps, and all i had to do was let myself fall, in the proper way of course. What a great teacher: very warm and caring presence. Ai yai yai, if i weren’t gay …

Well one reason i was late with this week’s blog is that Monday night, which traditionally has been my time for writing the weekly update, i’d just got back from a bike-ride (first time i did a round-trip in the same day) visiting with Sandy on her 14th birthday! The plan had been to bring Sandy to school that day but a last-minute hitch in my plan to borrow a car meant that i had to postpone the day she gets to meet everyone here. Bess, our massage instructor, has offered to let me use her car, and when she returns from her 3-week vacation hitchhiking around Iceland with an Austrian girlfriend, i’m going to take her up on her kind offer.

I took Sandy down to the swimming hole where i gave her a good bath and a brushing. Then with her parked in the shade beneath a huge rock, i followed the creek down to that deep pool Zack had told me about. You might recall that i’d visited this site once before and couldn’t see a safe way of jumping into it. Well, i figured it out this time, and although it was a bit high and a bit scary, i actually jumped in, and survived! i was a little concerned that if i survived the jump that i’d still have to deal with thorns, spiders, snakes and poison oak (which is all over the place). There was no climbing up the rock walls of this place, and so i felt lucky to find a way back that was not too overgrown or otherwise hazardous.

But man i was beat when i finally got back to Heartwood about 9:30. Thank God temps that day were a bit lower than usual, i’d say in the 70’s, rather than the 80’s to which we are accustomed this time of year, otherwise it would’ve been a lot more tiring than it was.

I also managed to squeeze in 3 hours’ work while there: an hour in one of the greenhouses watering the plants, which are continually groaning under the weight of new growth, and whose branches need to be propped up and/or tied to the trunk, and 2 hours spent doing just that. A tree-sealant is also applied to the place where the branch has pulled away from the trunk, to prevent little creepy-crawlies from moving in, which they are wont to do whenever they happen upon such breaks. So I returned feeling happy about having spent some time with my dog, having had a wonderful work-out on Ann’s bike, and with a little bit of cash (actually, $100) in my pocket. Zack paid me as Mike wasn’t around that day, and I owe Mike two hours’ work.

I put the following sign up two weeks ago on the bulletin board outside the New Harris General Store:

Island Mountain [name of the mountain Heartwood sits on] man seeks same for companionship, biking, hiking and camping adventure, general good times. Age and background not as important as an open heart, willingness to share.

I included my email address and will let you know about any hits i get.

We in the Househealing department have had a schedule change, and i now have only Mondays and Tuesdays off. So no more Friday pilgrimages to visit Miss Pooch. No biggie, but i feel that a regular schedule of visits is important so I will be biking to see her every Monday from now on.

Bigger news still: we’ve been given vacations! A two-week break (Aug. 5 – 21) from classes was always part of the schedule, but there was no break from the work-schedule planned (that we knew about) until yesterday. All 4 of us Work/Study participants have been given five-day breaks, and mine is 8/15 – 19, and i would try to get someone to cover one of my weekends so i could get another 4 days free for a total of like 9. I’m checking airfares from Portland, SFO and Eureka/Arcata to Rochester, but so far nothing even close to what i can afford.

But i might ask to have my vacation schedule modified depending on the news i receive on Monday. Today i had an interview for the position of Resident Assistant with the new Director of Student Affairs (who used to be a colleague of mine in House-healing!) and a woman from the Education Office. The job is opening up due to the graduation on Aug. 6 of the current RA. The interview went pretty well, and i feel fairly confident of getting the position. There’s only one other candidate that i know of, and he has told me himself that he thinks i would be better for the job. (I agreed without feeling the need to mention it.) So if I get it my duties would begin on the day new students arrive, which is Friday, Aug. 19 (first day of classes 8/22).

Advantages of getting the job would be my own room, one about twice as big as other singles, and a phone line paid for by Heartwood. No one from Househealing has ever been an RA at the same time, but I think i would be able to handle the additional responsibilities without too much aggro.

My cranial-sacral and polarity sessions last week went well. I’d have to say that that what i’ve felt afterward is a lot more significant than what i felt during the sessions: i guess the term is “grounded.” I’ve felt a lot more in the flow of whatever’s happening around me, and a lot less perturbable. And a new friend Jana gave me a “somatic cleansing” session on Friday, so it was a triple whammy: three energy sessions in three days! What a place.

Right, that's all he wrote. See y'all back here hopefully on Tuesday with news about the RA position and perhaps news of a trip back to KATHY'S COTTAGE on the beautiful shores of Lake Ontario!

ps - Lance i'm getting a phone card tomorrow and will be calling your ass within a day or two.