acceptance

In a continuing effort to write more about Feelings and what i'm learning, i asked myself before sitting down to write this week's update, what's the dominant emotion i'm feeling these days? And the thing that popped into my mind was contentment, satisfaction, and acceptance. (i know, i know, you want more tales of lust! But we can't have tales of lust every week, now can we.)

So why Acceptance? Whence this feeling of contentment? It certainly isn't that everything in my life is going just the way i'’d like it to. Although overall i'’d have to say things are going pretty well: i'’m happy with my position in the Welcome Center: it'’s what allows me to stay at Heartwood, and with it functioning as a sort of a nerve center, i like the interaction that i get to have, not only with all the other departments, staff and students, but with neighbors as well. And being a welcoming kind of a guy, i like being the first point of contact F2F and over the phone with people thinking about coming here.

In addition, i'’ve had a major breakthrough with my plans to inject more physical/athletic activity into my life. Sunday was the first time in years that i went running, an hour-long slog up hills and down, with the visiting twin brother (Erin) of a new guy who'’s recently started work in the kitchen, Tom Dailey. And i ran again this morning, this time on my own, about 20 minutes out the road to a pond which i chose as a point to turn around, and 20 minutes back. Felt great.

And it looks like this rhythm will lend itself to my getting up early on other mornings to meditate. There's been a controversy brewing on campus as to what constitutes acceptable uses of the Temple, which is a handsome straw-bale structure about 10 years old, and the guy who was responsible for its construction was just here for a few days to lend his voice to the issue.

One of the results was that even the Tai Ji class, which used to meet there 3 mornings a week, will be moved to a classroom, to reserve the Temple space in silence for those who want to meditate. It's a really special place, and i when i worked in Housekeeping, cleaning the temple used to be one of my favorite tasks: beautiful Doug fir floorboards; alcoves facing each direction made from 5 types of precious local woods; columns and beams of redwood; white-washed plastered walls up to 3 feet thick: it's just ideal to lose oneself in the wonder of being aware of simply being. A friend says he may surprise me by knocking on my door early in the morning and getting me out of bed to go and meditate in the Temple with him. May it be so.

Phoenix gave me another shiatsu session this evening, which was great. This one included a nutritional assessment, and i'’ve agreed to experiment with chlorella, silver colloid, aloe vera, flax oil and blueberry juice (not mixed together, mind you)! He thinks i'’m yin-deficient, which -- who knows? -- maybe i am. i'’ve been kind of lazy about educating myself on nutritional issues, partly out of the ambivalence that results from so many contradictions. Phoenix's intake form asked a number of highly detailed questions about what i eat, and when i revealed that i liked sprinkling sesame seeds and pine nuts on my food, he said, “Oh dude, don't eat those, they're rancid!

Personally, my feeling has been that having almost completely eliminated meat and dairy products from my diet, eating what appeals to me here should be giving my body pretty much everything it needs: there is so much variety. The one thing i could stand to cut back on are the sweets, which i am daily tempted with due to my work at the Welcome Center. Pam, a former Heartwoodie who'’s lived on the mountain for 13 years, is the resident baker, and has a display case in our little store that she keeps well-stocked with a selection of brownies, cookies, chocolate-dipped macaroons, butterscotch-chocolate chip bars, etc. It'’s been quite the temptation to overcome.

But getting back to Acceptance: i still have pangs of grief every now and then when i think about Sandy. Certain parts of the property where i used to walk with her, and which i don'’t get to so often, can, as i walk through them, suddenly make me feel her loss tremendously. But even this is a kind of acceptance. The emotion reminds me of the degree to which i have accepted her not being physically by my side anymore.

And i just realized today: i could make myself happy by staying here a year longer than planned, depending on how things go, and how the sale of Heartwood affects day-to-day life. It'’s a beautiful place, filled with beautiful intentions of mostly beautiful people who come here. No need to go rushing off to The Next Place just because i'’d initially speculated that i would just stay a year past graduation last November. 2006 is a time to give thought to the possibility of my settling in Humboldt or not, and if not, then where next. And i expect lots of interesting things are going to happen this year, if i simply give them the chance to.

tidbits
Amanda you will be glad to hear that i finally spent most of the Amazon gift certificate you sent me at Christmas! i received in today's mail Mind Wide Open, by Steven Johnson, and await The Structure of Magic (published in 1976 by one of the founders of NLP), and Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities. Molto grazie, bellissima! Which reminds me, what do you think of the Blackalicious CD i sent you? Have you been listening to it?

Successfully completed bidding on my first ever Ebay purchase, a mint condition edition of the board game Hugger Mugger! It will surely bring me and others here an uncountable number of hours of fun and mental exercise together! Bidding had begun at $7.99 when i located the item, and about 4 days later i slipped in with a bid just 15 minutes before bidding was due to end, engaging one of the two bidders in a mad bidding war that pushed up the price from where it had been for some time, about $18, to what i ended up paying for it: $41 (plus $5 for shipping)! Hey you'd spend that much on a game in a place where there was no tv, too, i reckon!

Fave websites: this one about the New York Art scene in the 70s and 80s, and this one, full of environmental information, and where to recycle stuff, among other things.

Received in today's mail: a pair of clogs from my sister-in-law's sister! THANK YOU CAROL! i never would've guessed what was in that package, what a great surprise! Both Carol and Kathy were too sweet to send me Valentine's Day cards! Kathy's was handmade, and included a little limerick which goes Email rushes to and fro' Since paper letters seem too slow. But I prefer the status quo: This card was sent with love ... by escargot! Isn't that the cutest?!! ;o)

CONGRATULATIONS to my Kiwi friend Rachel, living in London and having just got engaged to a guy named Fleet. Wedding to be held in the Asia/Pacific region, summer of 2007. Still waiting to hear if that's a n. or a s. hemisphere summer.

APOLOGIES TO MY MUSLIM FRIENDS, for claiming (wrongly) on this blogsite some time ago that the Qu'ran states that dogs are filthy: the holy book of Islam does not say anything at all disparaging about dogs, which was a big surprise to me. I can only say in my defense that i had assumed this after hearing so many Saudis say so often that dogs, like pigs, were unclean. (Thank you Faisal for helping to set the record straight.) This amazing website allowed me to check for myself.

The Hadith (sayings of the Prophet, peace be upon his name) however have more than a few statements that are at least unfriendly to dogs, such as Angels do not enter a house which has either a dog or a picture in it. (vol. 4, book 54, #539 from the Sahih Bukhari) and He who kept a dog, but not meant for hunting or watching the herd, would lose one qirat of reward every day (Book 10, #3287 from the Sahih Muslim). This is one of the reasons i think religion is silly: it focuses people's attention on dogma, instead of helping them to focus on finding and experience of God/Allah/Being/Is-ness in their everyday life.

While talking about things Muslim (it's too late to get into the Danish cartoons brouhaha, and i'm already late posting), apologies to MY SISTER EILEEN, who received in the mail from me a 2006 calendar with the sayings of Hafiz on each page. Her letter dated 2/13 and received here 3 days later said Thanks for the great calendar which I have up in my room. There are two quotes that would raise an eyebrow or two ... and i thought, "What th-?" At first i thought she might have been upset about the page for March, for example, which reads God was full of wine last night, so full that He let slip a great secret: There is no man or woman on this earth who needs a pardon from Me, for there really is no such thing as Sin!

But perhaps a greater jolt came from the page for April, which reads: True love my dear is putting an iron clad grip on the sore swollen balls of a Divine Rogue Elephant, and not having the good fortune to die! Oops! Eileen, my excuse on this one is that i ordered from a catalog without realizing what each page said; so sorry if any offense was caused!

Finally, my thanks for the thanks for the birthday card go out to the one and only Glitter-Girl (below, right) who promises to write a longer email another time. But honey, i ain't holding my breath! Hoo-WHEE how long you gonna make me wait before i get an update on this hunkalicious dude, hmmmm?

Oh, and almost forgot! CONGRATULATIONS to another old buddy from Amsterdam daze, Ken Finnegan, who one year ago quit a corporate job he hated, and this day is working his dream job, as a commercial diver in Australia! WOO-HOO, way to go Ken, you are an inspiration to us all! Check out his unusually-named website here, and tell him Dougie T. sent ya.

Next post: 1st Tuesday of next month: Mar. 7.