cHaNgE iS pOsSibLe

SO much going on, one barely knows where to begin.

State of California v. Doug E Fresh. So I intentionally skip my first appointment with judicial history, due to the courtdate’s coinciding with the last day of the Cranio-Sacral intensive I was enrolled in. I’d been informed by staff at the DA’s office in Eureka that sometimes as many as 40% of those called to court didn’t show, and that it wasn’t that big of a deal so long as you called on the first working day following the courtdate to reschedule. Which I did. Only it wasn’t made clear to me that the new date meant that court was in session in the county seat, not in Garberville, which is where I’d shown up at 1:30 on a recent Friday afternoon. Oops.

My sister Eileen wrote in reaction to my last entry asking how I felt when I was handcuffed and put in the back of a police car; she thought she would’ve been in tears.

Answer: I was furious. I couldn’t believe that they were going to cuff me over such a trivial matter, and when I pointed out to them that they were treating me like a criminal, one of them responded, “You are a criminal.” For hitchhiking! I sat with my eyes closed the entire journey, focusing on my breathing and meditating. New courtdate is July 21, this time in Garberville.

I return to Rochester for two weeks of a little R&R July 25. Got a great deal on air-travel: round-trip San Francisco to Rochester with one stopover in each direction, $289 taxes included. Big thanks to my buddy Sky who loaned me the $200 that allowed me to get such a cheap fare before prices went up.

I’ll be chillin’ at the cottage of my sister-in-law Kathy on the shores of Lake Ontario, and am looking forward to backyard BBQ, croquet, tossin’ disc, board games at night, watching the stars, sitting in lawn chairs reading, going swimming in the ocean, etc. Then back here Aug. 9.

I titled this entry "Change is possible" because i've been feeling really happy about how things are going. i feel like i'm making progress on things in my life that have been difficult, like doing things instead of just talking about doing them.

One thing that helped me to realize this was a recent incident involving my frisbee. I had told a bunch of people around here how i was going to paint it in phosphorescent paint so we could play at night, and when i heard myself telling like the 10th person about this wonderful plan, i started getting kind of depressed (that i still hadn't done it). So the last time i mentioned it to someone, i said "that's it. I'm gonna go home and do it right now." Which I did. Just this little incident helped me to re-focus on making my world come true, with a little more doing, and not quite so much talking!

Also in the news: i'm in LOVE! No, that's not quite right. Maybe it is perfectly right but i'm just scared of putting it out there. Being "in love" sounds so heavy, and it shouldn't be. i'm playing with what it feels like to hold feelings of strong fondness and affection for an individual, without expectation. i wrote him that it was as close to an unconditional love as i'd ever come to. Which it is.

God there is just so much to write, and i feel blocked about writing about this here. This is one of the issues i still haven't adequately resolved: my desire to be open and sincere about what's happening in my life while protecting the feelings and possible privacy concerns of those about whom i may write. Part of the solution to this has come from my having started to keep an offline journal, writing about day-to-day events in a notebook.

Let me just say that i'm so happy to be here at the same time as this individual, and am grateful for whatever time we may have to share together, if it's six more days, six weeks, six months, or six years. i have a strong feeling that we have met before, and when i think back to how we met, and the interactions we've had since then .. it's just so obviously not merely random.

Folks it's not the longest entry i've ever written, but hey it's on time. It IS the full moon tonight, and i have re-inaugurated here at Heartwood the Full Moon walk, which leaves the lodge at 10 pm and follows a road that runs around the property in a 4-mile loop. It's 6 pm and dinner is being served down there, then the evening shift at the store for me from 7 till 8:30.

Big book in my life at this time: Path of Empowerment, Pleiadian wisdom for a world in chaos, by Barbara Marciniak. A lot of the text would make great fortune cookie contents, but that's not to diminish the wisdom behind the words. Highly recommended. i'll write more about it in my next entry. Have also just finished In the Hands of the Great Spirit, 20,000 Years of Native American History, which was great.

Yikes, gotta run! See ya soon!