Too Tired to Think of a Title

I'm tickled to report that a friend, Alex, of the new Enrollment Director, Joan, who knows a little something about computers stopped by Hedon's Eden to have a look at mine and, well, clearly: i'm back in business, woo-hoo!

A friendly tip to fellow PC-users: go to Start, Programs, Accessories, and System Tools, and do a Disk Clean-up on each drive. (You should be able to figure it out from there; it's basically clicking a button and waiting for an operation to be performed.) Then go back again to the System Tools folder and select Disk Defragmenter. Performing these two operations nursed my computer back to what seems so far to be normal operating conditions. Well, that and Alex discovering that one of the connections inside the cpu was a little loose!

Some observations on Love follow, so stay tuned. No, actually let's start with that.

So around here, when people ask you how it's going, many of us actually stop to ponder that, and to deliver a response that's genuine, and from the heart. Not all the time, but often. So when someone asked me today before lunch how it was going, i started by saying, "You know, it's been going so well for so long .. weeks or months. i don't think that i'’ve ever felt that things were going this well for this long before." And here i hesitated, wondering how much to share with the two guys who were sitting with me in the "“smoking temple."” And finally i said something like, "“But i'’m really in love. And sometimes it'’s hard to have these feelings all the time."” i described how it's a kind of love that i'’ve never felt before, almost purely unconditional: not expecting anything in return (believe it or not, you cynic you)!

One of the responses that came back to me was to take it slowly; to sit with it, be with it, watch it, see what comes up. That was excellent advice; in previous relationships i'’ve always had a hard time taking things slowly. i'’ve had some experiences in Life which have re-inforced in me how precious, and how short life is.

But the other really juicy tidbit that Chris, my singer / songwriter friend who works in Maintenance, offered up was something having to do with projection. Sometimes we externalize onto others things that we either like or don'’t like about ourselves. Or perhaps we see something in another person that we would like to see in ourselves.

That's all. But that last bit hit me big. i'’m still playing with what it might mean in my life, and in this relationship, and will meditate on it some. [ps - i bumped into Chris this morning at breakfast. He came up to me, reminded me of the importance of focusing on feeling over thinking, and gave me a huge hug. God i love this place!]

One of the things that made my relationship with my partner in Saudi Arabia so special was that we both focused on the present, while knowing in the backs of our minds that we would probably not be together for the rest of our lives. And i feel called to remind myself of that here. i know already that this man of whom i speak and i will always be Friends. And so it is so much more wonderful, and imperative to squeeze all of the joy that it is to be had with the time that has been given to us here, on this beautiful mountain.

One of my tasks, and i think that i'm quite good at it, is to allow others the opportunity to enjoy quality time with him; he is just too good not to share. And i have recognized for a long time now one of the central paradoxes around Love: that it is in no way diminished in being shared. On the contrary, the more it is shared, the more it grows. So i don'’t sit next to him at every meal (although i'd like to), and i don't drop in at his place every time i go down to the Lower Dorms (well, i might skip his place 5% of the time .. it's quite a hike to go all the way down there and not say hello)!

All right, all right, enough about this guy, right? There are other things going on, so let me get to some of them. Hmmm, maybe some bullets are needed here.

marathon training

i ran 16 miles for the first time in my life yesterday, having done the 4.1-mile loop road around Heartwood four times. As you know, Heartwood sits on 200 acres on the side of a mountain, so there was quite a bit of uphill coming and going. And it's a dirt road, so i had to watch out for holes and rocks. But both my knees were a little stiff afterwards and today, too, so i probably won'’t do that again. Goal is to get two twenty-mile runs in before marathon day, Oct. 15.

morone out of the running

Hugest bummer around these parts lately is that Best Buddy Mike Morone is laid up. Poor guy was out running about ten days ago, and heard a POP in one of his knees. Not too much pain, he said, but he could not put any weight on it at all. {Sky heard a description of what happened, and said he thought it sounded like a torn ligament.} Mike was scheduled for an MRI a few days ago, but i have not been in touch with him since to find out how it went, and will be calling him tomorrow. It is however looking very unlikely that he will be coming out to run the Redwoods Marathon with me. This is where i would insert a frowny face if i were that kind of a guy. Fortunately for you and for me, i am most decidedly NOT ;o)

post vacation: Roch to SF

A wake-up call at like 4:45 am from the cabbie trying to find Kathy'’s cottage was how i began the morning that i left two weeks'’ vacation in Rochester to return to the west coast, on Aug. 9. Made my flight and arrived on a gloriously sunny Wednesday morning in SF. i had to laugh at the large number of men who also got off at the Castro St. subway station: like, 25 guys (and 3 women, who were probably lost)! Stayed in a hostel called Elements in the Mission District which has a to-die-for view of the SF skyline from its rooftop terrace bar/restaurant. The view and the fab Arabian cuisine attract a great mix of globe-trotting backpackers, an after-work crowd, and the coming-to-dine-and-be-seen set.

SF north and the R.T.W.

Caught a train to Embarcadero and an 8:15 am Amtrak bus across the East Bay to a train in Emeryville which took me to Martinez and another Amtrak bus going further north. Got off about an hour late in Ukiah, where according to meticulously laid plans i was met by my old friend and Saudi Aramco colleague Carlos Maeztu.

Carlos has retired and lives in Gainesville, FL but still maintains a killer travel schedule, a couple of weeks monthly, he says. August was set aside for n. California, and i managed to snag a couple of days'’ time from this very amazing guy. It's awkward to be frank about how much you admire someone who occasionally tunes in to the blog, so i won'’t embarrass either of us. Suffice to say that we had a very pleasant lunch at a soup-and-sandwich shop called Schatje (Dutch for sweetie”) in Ukiah, then hit the road for the really beautiful 2-hour drive through mountains and forest to Garberville, with a stop to unload Carlos' bags at the historic Benbow Inn, and a tip a drink on the sun-dappled terrace just off the bar.

A ride at night up the road to Heartwood to drop me off, before hooking up again Saturday morning for a drive out to the ocean at Shelter Cove, and a walk on the black-sands beach there, and then a final drive out to Heartwood in time for me to officially end my lovely vacation, and Return To Work, JUST IN TIME, at 1:30 pm! i had a great time listening to Carlos recount stories of lots of the guys we had both worked with, and of his travels near and far over the years. This guy has a memory for names of people and places like no one you'’ve ever met: trust me.

Well my return to Heartwood coincided with the second week of a two-week break for the students, and i wasn'’t really expecting to see that scalawag Sky until the end of the week. But a joyful reunion ensued (sweeter still because totally unexpected) when he strode through the doors of the Welcome Center Monday afternoon! And plans were soon laid for two-man camping the next weekend. We spent the next couple of nights together, watching a really great movie the first night called Happy Endings, which i actually had to watch again the following night, with a guy from Spokane named Adrian, who works in the Enrollment Office. Sky took off the next day to do some bicycle camping in the area, but returned a day earlier than expected when a cute little kitten, not more than a month old, found him in the woods. So Sky is now the proud papa of one cute cat who has been named Ghost.

{i could insert an observation here about the .. um, radically different styles that Sky and i employ to tell a story, but i won't. Well, ok, but just an abridged version, really: Basically, Sky's telling of what happened the morning he thought Ghost had gotten eaten by raccoons during the night took all of 11 seconds, which is fine if your listener has a train to catch. But if Joan hadn't told me the whole story at breakfast, i never would've learned about the falling to his knees in prayer! And how near to tears he was, even. Anyway, i digress.}

We left on Saturday for Bear Harbor, part of the Sinkyone Wilderness, which comprises the s. portion of the Lost Coast, due west of here. i'd heard a few people rave about how beautiful this place was, and i was excited to finally get to see it myself. The road into the park was all unpaved for the last five miles or so, winding dirt road on the side of a mountain, occasional glimpses of the ocean far below. A herd of Roosevelt elk roam this park, although we didn'’t see any during our short stay there. We pitched a tent, had a dinner of andouille sausages on hotdog buns, baked beans and potato salad, splitting a couple bottles of wine and enjoying sitting around the camp fire and talking. What a delight to go to sleep with the dull roar of ocean waves on a beach just 30 yards away.

i still haven'’t figured out why i can'’t share photos, either through uploading them to Blogger, attaching them to Hotmails, or sending them via Outlook. (The last one i can accept, because i never went through the process of configuring Outlook to send and receive mail; this being just a bit beyond me what with needing to know about pop-mail and stuff.) But i will upload photos i'’ve taken of that weekend as soon as i can figure out the problem.

Judgement Day

My trials with the judicial system are over. Long story short: the public defender advised me to accept the district attorney'’s offer of a reduced charge -- disturbing the peace! --– in exchange for a guilty plea and paying a fine. On Aug. 25 i did just that, and i now owe $146 at the end of this month. It's only a citation, and nothing goes on my record. i just wanted the whole thing to go away, and although i didn'’t feel i had done anything so terribly wrong, there was the possibility of the case going to jury, who might conceivably have found the cop'’s version of events more believable than my own. Although this would seem unlikely in Humboldt County, where a large portion of the population holds a healthy aversion to the dangers of the police-state. i did say to the judge, "Your honor, the public defender has advised me to accept this bargain, and has said that it'’s a good deal for me. But i don't understand why i'’m being charged with 'disturbing the peace' when i was in fact not disturbing the peace."” He didn't know either, or he couldn'’t explain it to me simply, and i realized it was better to just go along with the flow for once and to get out while the getting was good. [Block that metaphor!]

LA-LA Land for Labor Day

That dear boy Hadleigh Averill, a good friend from my daze in Amsterdam, has been toiling away at his artwork on the west coast this past six months, and had what i believe was his first LA art-exhibit opening, this past Sept. 2. Check out the photos and stuff at the gallery [RaidProjects.com] where he lived, worked and exhibited.

i was really lucky to make it down, since i am not only flat-broke but in debt to several people and institutions. And one government. But anyway, CraigsList came through again, and a phone call the night before leaving from a gal up in Arcata was my ticket down. Lisa picked me and a couple other people up along the way, and a guy Eddie (a cute 20-year-old student who is a dead-ringer for our friend from Amsterdam Matt Minkin!) we picked up in Santa Rosa was going to the same part of LA i was, which was a big help both coming and going. Twelve-hour trip in both directions, and Lisa only got one speeding ticket. There'’s more to that part of the story that i'll tell to almost anyone who asks, but it'’s just too much to go into here. (Dude, it's 2200 words just up to this point, and i haven'’t even begun my conclusion!)

Anyway, i really enjoyed seeing and spending time with this amazing guy. Arrived at 4 am, the day OF the opening, big hugs and warm greetings after not having seen each other since Nov., 2004, when i left Amsterdam. Hadleigh was of course still hard at work, doing what i supposed were finishing touches, so i let him get back to it while i lit up a Marlboro (horrors!) and strolled around and put my stuff away. Took a bunch of photos the whole weekend. i can't tell you how aghast i was when Hadleigh started painting over huge sections of text he'd laboriously painted at different parts of different pieces, after he realized that i had been mistaken about who wrote the text. But he re-assured me that .. hmm, that destroying some of one's work was also a part of the creative process? Something like that. Yikes!

i was coming out of the bathroom the next morning when this British guy named Max goes, "'ere! Oo are you?!" Max is the gallery director, and when i told him he proceeded to make me a cup of tea and give me like an hour-long expose on the art-world and the big changes that have happened in it over the past five years (fuck, i was going to explain it, but it's going on 1:30 am and i'm still editing and adding frigging hyperlinks to this unwieldy beast)! Great guy, and very cool girlfriend Carey. And Colton, and Max #2, and Tracey .. i actually went out with all these people, friends of Hadleigh's, Sat. night to a restaurant and a bar which was a good laugh.

i thought the opening was great: a lot of people, a lot of good reaction (from what i could judge), but Had himself was a little down. He'd hoped for a greater turn-out, and was also keen on selling some pieces since the grant (€35K!) the Dutch Ministry of Culture had given him was pretty much spent.

But today is his birthday and the reply he sent to my e-card says that a second opening he had this past Friday night at another gallery, in conjunction with a bunch of other artists, went much better. A friend of his named Dee who helped a lot to get the first exhibit ready has possibly lined up a couple of people who are interested in one or two of his pieces, which would bring in a few thousand dollars. He is smart enough to realize though that it's just money, and isn'’t too worried about his situation. This is a guy who no matter what will always land on his feet. Take a few moments to send some positive vibes in the direction of this most extraordinary guy. And be sure to check out his website.

Dee, Hadleigh and i had a great day my last full day in town at Marina del Rey beach. Caught some great waves which made for fab body-surfing, and i do so adore swimming with flocks of pelicans nearby. Got some great pix, too. It was good medicine for that guy to get out of the gallery and do something in nature too. Dee was great fun to hang out with. On our way to the beach, we stopped by the production company where she works as the creative director to post photos on CraigsList of a 1982 Rabbit that Hadleigh is looking to .. um, unload.



Coming up: Earthdance!

Sky and i have made plans to go to Earthdance 9/15-17, which coincides with my birthday (on the 17th) and almost does with his (on the 18th). $135 gets you in for the three days, including camping, and quite a few Heartwoodies are heading down there with us. Big-name bands will be on hand, while many non-musical activities will also be taking place. A Council of Elders, workshops, theatre, a film festival, etc. and one event i will be sure not to miss, the World Prayer for Peace, taking place simultaneously at 250 other EarthDance concert sites in 50 countries around the world. Pray / sing / chant / meditate with us! Beginning on Saturday, Sep. 16 at 4 pm Pacific time.

OH MAN, i didn't even get around to telling you about the full moon party last Thursday night! But I'm bushed and this is the time of night where i seriously contemplate crawling into bed without flossing. Good night everyone .. and thanks for reading all the way to this period here.

Pssssst! Did you catch the birthday reference? Great! So here are some catchy gift-giving ideas for that special man in your life who has nothing ...

• a Mayan calendar, for example, the one at this website. Don't miss the very cool graphic -- above the words "Perfect Periodicity" -- of the moon going around the earth going around the sun.
• i had more gift ideas but am too tired to find where i put them. maybe i'll come back here and add stuff later.